God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
