Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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