Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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