So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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