just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
