i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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