The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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