belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
