They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
