Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
