she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
