Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
one two three fourrrrnication!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Someone shit on the floor
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
