I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
