We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
