K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
