I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
