possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
