that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i will never coherently bang her
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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