im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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