mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
