is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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