Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
