It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
