Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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