I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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