I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
