i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
