i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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