Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
