I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize