dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
