the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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