im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
