dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
