things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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