There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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