this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
