Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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