awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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