God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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