sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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