Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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