i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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