I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
