did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
