If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
