just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
