2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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