I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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