glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
