If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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