Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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