just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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