He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
