Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
