I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
