Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
