Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
