worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
