Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
