i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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