This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
