His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
