Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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