dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
