When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
