Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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