i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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