remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
