Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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