Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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