He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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