I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize