I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
