something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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