I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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